Chronic Pain: Words from a wife. When normal can never be normal again.

Chronic Pain: Words from a wife. When normal can never be normal again.

by Ashlee Bryant on 28th Sep 2018

We will never be on time again and sometimes we will not make it. It’s not acceptable to “normal” people but it happens all the time. I know it’s not cool and as a wife sometimes that gets old to me too.

Here’s what also gets old...

Watching your husband beg to be normal and wish to go out with his friends; praying that he can hide the pain and pretend to be normal and enjoy themselves at a social event for just ten minutes or, on a great day, an hour.

So, yes. We will most likely be late because he spent the entire evening worrying about whether he will let down another family member or friend because he may or may not wake up feeling okay the next day. He picked out his clothes and showered early and is excited because he feels okay. It’s an hour before any event big or small and at the drop of a hat- his chronic pain will flare up.

This is life and this is every single day with chronic pain.

So NOW WHAT?? We might be late because we took our time to “take it easy” and still be there for our family and friends. We may not make it because we can’t get his shoes on because his ankles are swollen. Yes, we know they didn’t look like that yesterday when you saw us at the store. He doesn’t want people to stare or ask why his attire is weird. We might hide in the corner and not speak to many; it’s because he is miserable with shooting, burning, stinging pain and can’t stand up straight, but wants to support you. But people assume you had too much to drink or you look “mad” in the corner.

This process in and of itself gets old too. We should have just stayed home. They expect that and now he thinks that he just looks more disabled.

So as a wife of a disabled man, I don’t care if we are late or we don’t make it anymore. Yes, it’s annoying and I will try to overcompensate all the time. I would rather sacrifice every event for him to have ten minutes or an hour of NO PAIN. So, we take it slow and enjoy the days of the lesser evil pain. We walk a little slower and we enjoy each other. When a disabled husband looks into his wife’s eyes and says “thank you for loving me, I know this is not what the 25-year-old woman that married me signed up for” but his drive to be normal and fight through the pain to be a good husband makes every day worth living. Last time I checked, no one signed up for chronic pain and no it’s not fair. Make it as enjoyable/livable as possible; be late to the party.... DON’T show up. Love him because he fights through pain to love you more.